I struggled to pay attention to the movie, but I couldn't. I now officially hate musicals on TV.
I knew I should have watched the Law & Order marathon instead.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Alone
I'm alone at home. There is peace and quiet. I'm watching a movie and trying to relax. Yet, I can't seem to sit still.
I feel the need to go to mass.
But I'm still here. Alone.
I feel the need to go to mass.
But I'm still here. Alone.
Friday, May 20, 2005
Sawa
Last week I was fed up. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I was tired, fed up, pissed off.
I decided on Friday morning, on my way to work, that I had a choice to leave. So, I did. I went to San Francisco. I drove 500 miles by myself. If I stayed, I would have gone postal, like Michael Douglas in "Falling Down."
I needed to be far away and reconnect with the one person who's known me since I was nine- my best friend since the 4th grade. We drove around our old neighborhoods, which weren't as clean as they used to seem. When we're kids, there are just certain things that we don't see. Our eyes are small. Our hearts are big. We don't see black and white. We only know good and bad.
It was great to be back to a home where the fog comes in like big arms that hug you. All the comfort in the world I would find in the mist that covered my house and the streets. A city so beautiful, I relived it's history everyday.
It was good to be away, but I was happy going back. SoCal isn't always so great, what with the traffic and the way of living, I suppose. But it grows on you. I love the sun. The winters filled with rain. The too many places to go. The people I don't like seeing. The endless opportunities. My friends. My family.
And there's still no place better than sleeping in my own bed.
I decided on Friday morning, on my way to work, that I had a choice to leave. So, I did. I went to San Francisco. I drove 500 miles by myself. If I stayed, I would have gone postal, like Michael Douglas in "Falling Down."
I needed to be far away and reconnect with the one person who's known me since I was nine- my best friend since the 4th grade. We drove around our old neighborhoods, which weren't as clean as they used to seem. When we're kids, there are just certain things that we don't see. Our eyes are small. Our hearts are big. We don't see black and white. We only know good and bad.
It was great to be back to a home where the fog comes in like big arms that hug you. All the comfort in the world I would find in the mist that covered my house and the streets. A city so beautiful, I relived it's history everyday.
It was good to be away, but I was happy going back. SoCal isn't always so great, what with the traffic and the way of living, I suppose. But it grows on you. I love the sun. The winters filled with rain. The too many places to go. The people I don't like seeing. The endless opportunities. My friends. My family.
And there's still no place better than sleeping in my own bed.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
Therapy
I never understood the concept of fruit and chocolate mixed together. Puke.
I did nothing today. I didn't clean. I didn't obsess. I didn't move. I woke up, walked to the living room, and laid down again. It felt kind of weird to be idle, but it's my only way to recover from stress and fatigue. (Talking like an old woman again.) I also went shopping and bought a pair of jeans and a nice blouse. Charged it.
There's nothing like shopping and the familiar swipe of plastic to make me feel whole again.
Sigh.
I did nothing today. I didn't clean. I didn't obsess. I didn't move. I woke up, walked to the living room, and laid down again. It felt kind of weird to be idle, but it's my only way to recover from stress and fatigue. (Talking like an old woman again.) I also went shopping and bought a pair of jeans and a nice blouse. Charged it.
There's nothing like shopping and the familiar swipe of plastic to make me feel whole again.
Sigh.
Reruns
I'm still awake.
Fuck! I knew this would happen. I went to work today, and, out of total boredom, I had a cup of coffee. As much as I love that stuff, I have refrained from drinking it in the afternoon or at night because it makes me paranoid. Even though watching the news depresses me, apparently reruns of Law & Order and CSI don't. I found this out one night after watching the former and wondering if I should sleep with a bat next to my bed just in case the psycho from the show crawls in through the window.
Anyway, I have anger issues and I'm depressed for some reason. I argued with Francis till he agreed to forget whatever didn't happen, which supposedly ticked him off. I was tired. I didn't see the point in dragging it on. Our conversation, though as animated as it usually is, was dry.
I didn't have the greatest day. I bet those who ticked me off had it even worse. I lost it this morning and pissed off everyone else at home. Now, I'm still awake, remembering all that happened today. Torture.
Like reruns in my head.
Fuck! I knew this would happen. I went to work today, and, out of total boredom, I had a cup of coffee. As much as I love that stuff, I have refrained from drinking it in the afternoon or at night because it makes me paranoid. Even though watching the news depresses me, apparently reruns of Law & Order and CSI don't. I found this out one night after watching the former and wondering if I should sleep with a bat next to my bed just in case the psycho from the show crawls in through the window.
Anyway, I have anger issues and I'm depressed for some reason. I argued with Francis till he agreed to forget whatever didn't happen, which supposedly ticked him off. I was tired. I didn't see the point in dragging it on. Our conversation, though as animated as it usually is, was dry.
I didn't have the greatest day. I bet those who ticked me off had it even worse. I lost it this morning and pissed off everyone else at home. Now, I'm still awake, remembering all that happened today. Torture.
Like reruns in my head.