Montreal Christmas

Mom said I could go to Montreal for the holidays. I plan to leave on December 19 and come back on the 3rd of January. I also have a great discount from Northwest, which makes the cost of the plane ticket quite bearable.

But...

Because there's always a but...

My Boss2 has asked me to wait till Friday to book my flight. I might have to work during the holidays, which is okay. But I hate waiting (always have and always will). However, I would love to spend the holidays with my psuedo/future-in-laws before the big day. It might make Francis' departure from home a nicer occasion.

It's weird that I won't be able to spend time with my family this Christmas. It's even weirder that Francis is leaving Montreal. That's how it is, I was told, when you go off and get married. Things change. Your life changes. You have to let go of certain things and step out of your comfort zone. We're both very attached to our family, but it's harder for him because he's the one moving. So, the next year or couple of years will be spent on adjusting. I think that, though we are grown-ups (kind of) and mature enough to decide for ourselves, we haven't quite gotten a hold of the fact that we're not going to be sheltered by our parents anymore. It's like going to college for LIFE- a barrage of new beginnings, challenges and constant learning. It's going to be for good, for keeps, forever.

Forever.

For Life.

Same person, same face, same gooey eyes in the morning. Same hands, different day. Same plans, different thoughts, thousands of arguments, plus weight-gain and babies, and homes and bank accounts and decisions. All these decisions. So many things to choose from. Each choice is a chance to change our lives.

I'm so excited.

I think I'm going to pass out.

The Lamp

So last night, Francis and I had an argument about replacing the lamp in my room, because, for some odd reason, the bulb in it generates too much heat. I don't really get this. Maybe, it's because I don't really like being in a chilly room or he's just used to the cold weather in Montreal. Either way, I find it unnecessary to purchase another lamp.

Then I realized that if we're arguing about a lamp now, what more is there to argue about later? Do I have more lamp, cushion and paint color arguments to look forward to? Does real life really take over relationships? Will we really be so close that there's no where to hide?

Francis and I have put a lot of heart and thought into this decision. We're standing by it even if we do have to argue about who gets the remote and who has to wash the dishes. Even if I've heard the worst things about marriage, I'm still looking forward to it. I'm glad we're this close, as if the 23 years we spent apart was just a journey and the US that is NOW is the destination.

We're going to take it one day at a time. We'll figure it out. Really. We will. Even if it takes 50 years and a thousand stupid lamps.

Twenty-five

So, my birthday is in a couple of days. Twenty-five. (Give me a sec. to let it sink in...)

My friend says that it's downhill from there.

Does it matter? No.

Because I did everything I was supposed to do at 30 when I was 23. (This doesn't include finishing my Masters, but, at least, I've started it.)

I look back ten years. I was 15, a sophmore in high school. I think I was more understanding and patient then. When you get older, they say you become set in your ways. Certain things become black and white. Your life starts to pan out, be it planned or unplanned.

I'm grateful for where I am.

But I'm not content.

I feel like I'm running out of time.

If I stand still, I won't be able to catch up. Sometimes, I'm moving so fast, I can't breathe.

This year, I'll make it my own. Each day will be brand new. No more past worries. I will slow down and take a breath.