On the ship part deux

So, I'm on the boat again. It's been 11 days since I've seen land. I went up to have breakfast this morning and saw a haven of food: biscuits and gravy, spam, sausage, pancakes, plantains, apple strudels, bacon, eggs, rice and oatmeal. I had oatmeal and, though I was tempted to grab a biscuit, my taste buds and stomach begged for me not to.

I can't wait to get back home, home to my husband (who has yet to move down to California). We were wed about 2 weeks ago and 2 days later went home on separate planes to different places. So much for being practical, eh? It gets the best of me, but things have to be done. I realize that life is full of endless sacrifice, really. Whether we're aware of it or not, there is always something that we let go of or delay for later in exchange for something else, something supposedly better. This time it's a little more real, you know, the whole sacrifice thing. It's a bit more tangible. I've sacrificed for other people before- my parents, brothers and sister- but it wasn't really a conscious decision, more like a conscientious one. They didn't know, of course; I didn't, either. It wasn't too obvious because I was really doing what was expected. I a still am, I guess. There really isn't anything else to do as the oldest kid in the family except for set an example and making sure you have your shit together so the younger ones can't disregard your warnings and so-called teachings and throw back in your face what a huge fuck-up you are. It's true. It's like your shield, your defense. Well, now it's a sacrifice that two people have agreed upon and are living up to. Isn't that what marriage is about? Sacrificing for each other's sake? Caring a bit more for your partner than for yourself, so much so that you set aside...yourself?

I don't know, really, what's it's supposed to be about. I mean, we went to the seminar and received bucketsful of advice from so many different sources, but I don't know what marriage is about. I've seen too many falter and too many break and too little that have lasted and have been saved. I know that I married this person whom I love, absolutely, without reservation.

Note: I wrote this almost a year ago. I still don't know much about marriage, but I'm enjoying every second of it.

We're still on the ship, and I don't know if that's the reason why I feel like a whale (balyena) right now. It looks like I poured water on the bottom half of my stomach and it absorbed it like a sponge. By the time we get back, I will have been here a total of 28 days. It's not all too bad, to be honest. I get up and walk to work. I'm almost always here at 630am. I'm never really bored because all I do is work. There's a gym and movies to watch. I have 3 full meals a day, my bed is always fixed, and I don't really have to worry about my laundry. It's almost like a cruise with responsibilities. There were nights before the launch that we barely had any sleep at all. We were on stand by for Helo Operations on the first few days. Not speaking Russian did pose some difficulty in organizing the throng of people we had to get to the platform. International companies are very unique because you learn how to convey messages without speaking. I learned to put groups together by pointing to people and holding up fingers for the the group number. After a while, our Russian partners started to find this amusing because I think I looked like a confused Asian doing some kind of dance. I've gotten to know a lot of the people, which is what I love the most about this. It's always great to put a smile on other peoples' faces.

The Holidays and then some

So, the holidays were great. Two weeks of snow and family gatherings, the atmosphere was warm and welcoming. I left with swollen eyes because I cried so much the night before. I came back on the 4th of January as planned but fell ill the next day. I guess it was a lot. I was tired from my vacation.

On January 7, we drove to Vegas and got married. Really. This is a true story. We had been contemplating it, since the plan was for him to start school this Spring. The wedding was great, short and sweet, but he ended up going home and will be starting school in the summer. We're now focused on the big celebration in the Philippines, which has, inevitably, been the subject of my energy and worry. I'm glad, though, that I have family and friends who have extended their support and assistance. It's not as comforting, though. Somehow, the thought of asking other people do my legwork doesn't feel right. I'm helples and 16,000 miles away (I think).

Anyway, amidst this chaos that is my wedding preparation, I try to remember how much this will all be worth it. Really. I try.