The second visit

I'm a bit sleepy. I woke up at 4:30 this morning, tossed and turned for a good 45 minutes and finally gave up to get ready for work. I am way passed being mushy, more like in a state of shock. I think that's the way it is whenever we part. Things don't sink in until I leave. We drive to the airport in a hurry, we don't talk about saying good-bye. I never cry. We know how the script goes. He gets home, I call, things are back to normal. So why does it feel like it gets harder every time?

I should know that this is how long-distance relationships go. I should. But I don't. I've never been through this before. I've never had someone with whom I could meet halfway without gagging or thinking twice. It was always someone else trying to go the distance and me running and screaming in the opposite direction or it was someone I relentlessly tried to hold on to as he poked me in the eye and stabbed me in the chest. I never really let things happen naturally as I do now.

No, I haven't lost it. Little sis's boy friend says that he's never seen this side of me before. I wonder which side this is. I'm neither vaguely insulted nor apprehensive. I'm curious though and a bit worried. Little sis impersonated me last night. Shit. Am I that lifeless and grouchy? Even Mom said the only time I smile is when The Boy Friend is around. Not true! Or is it? Does being in love really change a person?

Blech. I think that is a bunch of crock! I'm not mushy all the time. It still makes me sick. Although, I have resorted to naming my stuffed toys, Henry Pecker, the cutie patootie Canadian beaver, being the first, I don't think I'm as hopeless as that. Or even that I've got it that bad. Whatever it is. Freakin A! I may be in love but I haven't changed. Damn it! I'm still the grouchy bitch I've always been.

LOL.

Now, I think I've lost it. Oh well. For those who think I've done a 360, I hope Henry Pecker bites you on the ass while you sleep!