On exercise

If exercise means running back and forth in your living room, hands flailing to the sound of island music, while you clumsily try to catch up with the instructor on the DVD, then I'm two days into my resolution.

Talk about terrible hand and leg coordination. I step four strides to the right and four to the left and stretch my arm and clap to the beat. I look like I'm doing the hokey pokey to salsa music.

Lift right leg, raise left arm, lunge forward, bend knees, twist ankle, pull legs over your head and exhale. The last time I saw a pose like this was in Kama Sutra The Movie. I was thinking, "You want me to do what now?" I try it anyway and realize I'm an old lady. I lie down as flat as I can on my back, lift my legs 65 degrees and give up. My legs are so heavy I teeter over to the other side. There has got to be another way to do this.

Anyway, all the pounding on the floor wakes my brother up, who is sleeping on the couch. A little embarrassed, I tell him to continue the nap in his room. He looks at me funny and goes back to sleep. My dog stares at me in confusion and decides to follow me as I shuffle from one side of the room to the other.

I'm all for this losing weight stuff. Besides, it only takes a good 40 minutes a day. I figure, instead of complaining about how fat I am, I might as well do something about it. So, I'm back to fruits and vegetables and fiber. No more weird cravings for chocolate and popcorn. I don't know how long I can keep up with this.

Maybe I will just take it one day at a time.