My job and everything else that goes with it

The past week has been quite eventful, a few changes here and there. I realized that, although I am forever grateful, I need God in the good times as much as in the not-so-good. I never feel as if I'm deserving of much because my faults exceed my achievements. There is so much to comprehend and not enough time to get a grip. The greatest things in my life are right in front of me and all I can do is stand in awe. Ironically, I have learned that our worth is directly proportional to what we feel we deserve. When you believe that you deserve a good job, you get your shit together and you work for it. I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to get it together. The only problem is waking up...on time.

I am an expert at juggling, dropping the balls here and there, with some kind of balance. Work is work, I live with my family, and my social life consists of weekday dinners and daily conversations with Francis. At the end of the day, I am tired. As I usually find my solace in sleep, hauling my ass out of bed every morning has become a difficult task.

Although I consider myself somewhat ballsy, I find it hard to "request" for certain things I know I should be getting, such as the transition in my job. When discussions arise with my boss, for example, I usually just sit there and smile and nod my head. My common reply is "Ok, thank you." When I'm requested to do extra work, i.e. fill in at corporate, though I have work from here to Timbuktu, I say, "So as long as the boss says it's fine, I will be there." I have the tendency to go beyond expectations when I have to run around trying to get all the work done. (The consolation for all of this, and well-deserved, I believe, is being able to tell Francis about all of this every day.)

So, today (6/17/04) I am back at corporate, lending a hand. Boss2 said that I didn't have to go if I didn't want to, but I didn't want to say "no." When people ask for your help, you give it to them. If they didn't really need it, they would not have asked in the first place.

It is a good feeling when people express their appreciation for your work and effort.

It is a GREAT feeling when you see this appreciation in your paycheck.

All I have right now is a good feeling, which I can live with for the time being. Ick. And they said I was a pushover.