The one that Francis likes

I can't believe this! I've forgotten my friends' blog addresses. I lost them since I changed my template. I decided, last week, that an old brown parchment-looking template didn't suit my needs any longer, and the dull gray one does. I want to find Yeng and Lala, my cousin Julie and my friend Jerwin. I need those addresses again.

I don't feel so good today. I can barely breathe (and it's not because my jeans seem a little too tight). I feel as if I'm constipated, but I know I'm not. I wish I were home right now...which reminds me, I went to the doctor last week. He told me to relax and stop stressing out. I have too many ailments for someone my age- pains in my chest, hyper-acidity, numbing legs. I've come to the point where I don't think as much about certain things, but I tend to go to the extreme. My family either thinks I make a big deal out of nothing or I'm offensively indifferent. I grew up, Mom says, with very little reaction to anything. I've always had the same facial expression- blank.

Mom is leaving for the Philippines again and I'm having panic attacks. Uck. Happens every time. I feel like a kid. Separation anxiety becomes me. I wonder if I can make it without her sound advice and her beside me. Seriously, as independent as I am, I don't know if I could take the risks that I've had if she weren't there watching. Independence can only go so far.

Francis will be here for the weekend. I'm sooooo effing excited. Finally, I have someone who fully understands how much I still loathe Valentine's Day. Although, I do admit, this Vday was the best.

I've been trying to finish this entry for the past two weeks. It's already the 21st of Feb. and I still haven't posted it. I don't know if I lack the time to write or I just can't put the words on paper anymore.

Everyone is still sad at home because Mom's not there. Even my dog still mopes around waiting for her. I did finally clean the house and hopefully we can maintain it. I mean everyone has their own rooms. This may seem mundane, but for a family as big as mine, it's hard to keep track of who's making the mess. I think this is my accomplishment for the week.