Hope floats heavy sometimes

Yes I feel emphatic about not being static
And not eating the bullshit that's being fed to me
Cuz now I'm full
Just when you thought, it was safe to think
In comes mental piracy, and no
What I'm looking for (for)
Can not be sold to me
I wish they all would stop trying
Cuz what I want, and what I need, is and will always be free
"When it comes" by Incubus

The loss of my idealism began when I stopped getting what I hoped for. It used to always work. All I used to do was tell myself it would happen, and it would materialize. Now, I absorb reality and I let it consume me. This is what sucks about growing up and becoming an "adult." I no longer hope for the impossible. It's pathetic, I know. For what is hope, if not for the longing of a miracle?

I say this because CBF might have to leave, and, honestly, this pains me. Of course, our friendship will not end. We're two peas in a pod. Though I pray that God will allow her to remain in her comfy dwelling, I feel that it's half-possible. And this pains me. I don't want to think about it, but when we talk everyday, I remember that one day the welcomed routine will end. This scares me, because I have a phobia of good-byes. I've bid farewell so many times in my life, yet, until now, I leave with a firm grip, my nails scratching the surface, trying to hold on.

But I am tired. Tonight I will rest my soul and be a child again. I will wish on a star and long for a miracle. I will place my worries in His hands.

And I will hope for the half-possible...