Not breathing

This is not funny. CBF tells me that she's chatting with LL and something passes through my throat. It's not the usual pinch-in-the-pit-of-the-stomach. It's more like I-had-a-dream-about-you-and-what-do-you-want? Or is it what-do-I-want?

But see, I don't want anymore bidness with LL, let alone unfinished bidness. I've told myself a thousand times: I respect whatever his intentions were, whether to deceive me or to protect me. It is no longer important. I am not angry, nor do I "hate" him. I have let that go.

I have stopped running (though this eludes me sometimes and that is the honest truth). I do not fear.

Now, all I have to do is jump.