I'm pissed. I woke up this morning tired and groggy. I was asleep for a good 12 hours, then the alarm went off. I think there is something wrong with my eyes. I haven't gone to the gym in a week. I have to go shopping. And no one washed the dishes last night!
So, my sister got into a car accident yesterday, she's ok. I heard Mom yelling at her last night. I think she screwed up. I wonder how much this is going to cost me.
We made another offer on a house, which pissed my brother off, but he signed the papers anyway. I don't know what he was so pissy about, it's not like I go around complaining how fucking far away everything is from my house. I drive 60 miles a day, back and forth, and they don't hear me say squat. When I was looking through the listings, I didn't consider how far it would be for myself, I was even considering West fucking Covina. So, just because Long Beach is an extra 30-mile drive from your office, don't give me shit about it because I did not see your lazy ass looking for a place, while Mom complained that no one was "making an extra effort to find a house." And then when The Boy Friend comes back to visit, I am supposed to feel fucking guilty because the weeks prior to that I "was too lazy to go look around the fucking neighborhood." Why did you people forget that you have four kids? 4! Quatro! Apat! Four kids!!! I am not the only one with sound judgement. I am not the only one capable of making decisions. Why don't you ask your other three kids to go help, because my Boy Friend is here once a month, and I don't need fucking guilt trips at the last fucking minute because I, your only child, didn't haul ass three weeks before that! Who looked up houses every single day? Who called our agent to go see the house? Who took time off work to "make an extra fucking effort" just so we can move before the end of the year? And then, when I finally go off and do something for myself, I am supposed to feel guilty for it because I am not doing anything? Hello! There are three other kids. Don't give me shit about the other one being busy with school. Screw that! I went to school, worked and got good grades at the same time. I did not have the luxury of driving around. I hauled my ass from one place to another in terrible humid weather, dodging fucking jeepney drivers and pickpocketers. How come when I suggest that you ask my other brother, who is, by the way, 22 years old, to go help out, you tell me "let him be?" What the fuck is that? When you tell me shit, do you hear me talk back? I just fucking sit there. But when you scold your other three kids, they have justifications for everything! But I'm the terrible daughter who walks around the house like a grouch.
I swear, I should have fucked up a long time ago, then, maybe people would get off my back.
Anyway, Francis was here last weekend. I'm glad. That is the only time when people don't bother me, which is great, because I have to maximize every minute I have with him. We barely talk anymore because of our conflicting schedules. Thank God, I will be there next week.
Quit it with the "I'm not used to seeing you with a boy friend" bit. Get used to it! Get over it! The reason why you're not used to it is because you don't see me move on from one boy friend to the next. I can actually stand to be alone, and I was for three years, damn it. So let me lean on Francis in peace without having you people in the background saying "I'm not used to it." Ah. Go screw the wall. And so fucking what if I smile only when he's around. That's a lot more I than can say when I'm with you people!
Shit. One more week of this.
Disclaimer: This is only temporary psychosis. I will not mean this shit when things get back to normal (give or take a week). Let me be pissy now, because in five minutes, people will still expect me to smile.
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