Responsibility

I'm starting to think that I'm a little too responsible for someone my age.  Really, now.  I'm not exaggerating this or being overdramatic about it either.  I just find that my freedom to get up and go doesn't really exist.  Not that being with my family is a burden, but I think that I started Life a little too early.  Or maybe it's because I've been programmed to think that being irresponsible is the greatest sin.  Sometimes, I just want to save money and travel.  Screw mortgages and 401k's.  I still have seven years to start all of that.  Or maybe I don't. 

What ticks me off is that some people don't understand (i.e. parents) that I need time to be alone so that I can actually take in all the major changes in my life.  The moment I begin to withdraw from certain situations, only for about 30 minutes a day, so that I can breathe a little, I am automatically the BAD DAUGHTER.  Why are you so impolite?  Why are you so rude?  Why do you act this way?  Why do you show that blah blah is a burden?

Ugh.  Instead of continuing this with statements like, "What the fuck do you want me to say?  Do I look like fucking superwoman?  Does it seem like I'm supposed to be able to handle every fucking thing that comes along with a fucking smile on my face?  Can't I be alone sometimes without having to feel guilty about it?  Can I not think and analyze life for a couple seconds?  Can I just be happy where I am and worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes?"  I suck it in.  I remind myself how blessed I am.  I thank God and apologize for the terrible thoughts.  I smile and nod and nod again.  I walk to my room, pick up the phone, and complain to The Boyfriend.  He will make me laugh.  And the next day, I'm ok again.

Unfuckingbelievable.