And the sulking continues

CBF asks me, “What if he courts you again?” This is followed by, “What if he still loves you?” (something to that extent.) To which I reply, “It doesn’t matter anymore” (again, something to that extent).

Should it matter? No.

Does it matter? No.

Why does it feel like it matters, though?

I was taken completely off guard, today; but that’s okay. I knew there was something wrong in a kinda-sorta way. To him, I have nothing more to say- nothing at all. Contrary to this, I decided that it's okay to be friends, that we can, at least, still chat.

I need a cigarette.

The heat is probably getting to me; the sudden change in weather can screw up the senses sometimes. This shouldn’t last long.

However, after all of that, it was hard to function (or maybe it was constipation). I walked with laggard feet, dragged myself to the doctor, and, on my way, listened to my I HATE MEN compilation. So, in fairness to myself, tonight I am in the mood for the bidness of sulking.

Barely Breathing by Duncan Shiek
I know what you’re doing, I see it all too clear
I only taste the saline when I kiss away your tears
You really had me going, wishing on a star
But the black holes that surround you are heavier by far

I believed in your confusion, you were so completely torn
Well it must have been that yesterday was the day that I was born
There’s not much to examine, there’s nothing left to hide
You really can’t be serious if you have to ask me why
I say good-bye...

‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay

Everyone keeps asking, what’s it all about?
I used to be so certain and I can’t figure out
What is this attraction? I only feel the pain
There’s nothing left to reason and only you to blame
Will it ever change?

‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
But I’m thinking it over anyway...

I’ve come to find
I may never know
Your changing mind
Is it friend or foe?
I rise above
Or sink below
With every time
You come and go
Please don’t come and go

‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
But I’m thinking it over anyway...

:: I was hit on the head with a bat. Damn it. I lost my equilibrium again. I think this can be remedied by a good night's sleep.