Thursday, May 06, 2004

Another vow to thy self (because I am not making any sense)

I'm starting to hate talking about relationship angst, because every time I open my mouth, I fall into a pit. It's a tough lesson to learn. Too bad it took me a couple of days before I finally got it.

I've never really been good at tip-toeing around issues. I am painfully, and sometimes hilariously, honest about everything. Mom says that I shouldn't be so transparent, but I do believe this is the best part of who I am. So, this explains why, in the past three weeks, I have found myself sleeping in the dirt of the hole that I've been digging.

I reluctantly admit that I am unsure about a lot of things, such as where I'm going in life and what I'll be doing tomorrow. And this may be the best place I should be, at the moment, where the senses decide my fate. Ironically, the only thing that I am sure about has become a burden of bearing the truth that I have forbid myself to disclose. So, I will continue to tip-toe and skirt and evade any possible undertakings that this truth might lead me to. I will pretend that I am who I'm really not. I will be semi-transparent, and pass out every now and again whenever the truth is almost half-exposed. Half of me knows it's obvious. My other half is still trying to pretend that it's not.

I've been out of the loop too long.

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